Discussions concerning violence against women are most often geared towards women:
what to do to keep yourself out of a violent situation; what to do if you are in a
violent situation; how to physically protect yourself; how and where to seek help.
All of this is wonderful information to have and to disseminate, but we are forgetting
a very important element in the elimination of violence against women: THE MEN! All men play an important part--perhaps the most important part-- in keeping women
Here are a few things Men can do to help end Violence Against Women:
Be aware of language. Words are very powerful, especially when spoken by people with power over others.
We live in a society in which words are often used to put women down, where calling
a girl or woman a "bitch," "freak," "whore," "baby," or "dog" is common. Such language
sends a message that females are less than fully human. When we see women as inferior,
it becomes easier to treat them with less respect, disregard their rights, and ignore
Communicate. Sexual violence often goes hand in hand with poor communication. Our discomfort with
talking honestly and openly about sex dramatically raises the risk of rape. By learning
effective sexual communication, stating your desires clearly, listening to your partner,
and asking when the situation is unclear, men make sex safer for themselves and others.
Speak up. You will probably never see a rape in progress, but you will see and hear attitudes
and behaviors that degrade women and promote rape. When your best friend tells a joke
about rape, say you don't find it funny. When you read an article that blames a rape
survivor for being assaulted, write a letter to the editor. When laws are proposed
that limit women's rights, let politicians know that you won't support them. Do anything
but remain silent.
Support survivors of rape. Rape will not be taken seriously until everyone knows how common it is. In the U.S.
alone, more than one million women and girls are raped each year (Rape in America,
1992). By learning to sensitively support survivors in their lives, men can help both
women and other men feel safer to speak out about being raped and let the world know
how serious a problem rape is.
Contribute your time and money. Join or donate to an organization working to prevent violence against women. Rape
crisis centers, domestic violence agencies, and men's anti-rape groups count on donations
for their survival and always need volunteers to share the workload.
Talk with women about how the risk of being raped affects their daily lives; about how they want
to be supported if it has happened to them; about what they think men can do to prevent
sexual violence. If you are willing to listen, you can learn a lot from women about
the impact of rape and how to stop it.
Talk with men about how it feels to be seen as a potential rapist; about the fact that 10-20% of
all males will be sexually abused in their lifetimes; about whether they know someone
who has been raped. Learn about how sexual violence touches the lives of men and what
we can do to stop it.
Organize. Form your own organization of men focused on stopping sexual violence. Men's anti-rape
groups are becoming more and more common around the country, especially on college
campuses. If you have the time and the drive, it is a wonderful way to make a difference
in your community.
Work to end other oppressions. Rape feeds off many other forms of prejudice including racism, homophobia, and religious
discrimination. By speaking out against any beliefs and behaviors, including rape,
that promote one group of people as superior to another and deny other groups their
full humanity, you support everyone's equality.
Do not ever have sex with anyone against his/her will! No matter what. Although statistics show most men never rape, the overwhelming majority
of rapists are male. Make a promise to yourself to be a different kind of man, one
who values equality and whose strength is not used for hurting.
*Information on What Men Can Do adapted from Columbia University Health Services: